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Never give up on something
you can’t go a day without thinking about – Winston Churchill

Sleepless nights filled with thoughts of something that
didn’t happen the way it was supposed to happen, have lost the only thing that
you ever wanted, tons of tears that keep flowing which only leaves scar on the
pillow, the if’s and but’s that keeps pricking like thorns all over the brain. All
those billion neurons connecting to the brain seems to have lost connection. What
next? Is it worth, tearing up your brain apart so much for something that
didn’t happen because of you, what has your brain done to you for you to give
so much pain? All it does is listen to you and this is how you return the
favour, well we humans are that way. We always take things for granted when
they listen to us.

Life is not a movie or a fairy tale; shit happens, bad things
happen to good people, people lie, truth won’t conquer everything, time will
not fix things, thing’s don’t fall in place; there are no happy endings always.
Most of the times we do not want to accept this, we always wait for things to
happen, and we wait for the nature to give us signs. It is not wrong to be
positive, but it is wrong not to be practical. Say if everything falls in place
and the wish comes true, we will have another set of list either linked to that
wish or a new list of wish which we wish to again happen naturally.

All of us do have a wish that we wish to have around us, a
wish for our dreams to come true, a wish to be with someone, a wish to travel
somewhere, a wish to read some book, a wish to learn some dance, a wish to cook
some dish and the list never ends. As a kid, I remember the superstitions we
believed that the wish would come true when you pray while a group of cranes
flying, praying while you see a shooting star, or blowing a dandelion to make
the wish come true. Wish all these
happened in real! If it did, nothing would be hard right? If it isn’t hard, we
wouldn’t know the value of the wish that came true.

If we need our wish to come true, we will have put efforts
to get it done, we will have to make things work, we will have to put things in
place, we will have to set time for it, we will have to create happy endings.
All that we need is a little courage, that extra step that we need to take; we
need to take the leap of faith, we need to come out of the comfort zone. We are
just like the air in bubble wrap, to set ourselves free we need to be torn
apart!

How I wish it happened the way I thought! Everything was
just falling in place like I ought, I was about to smile and wake up that the
wish came true; hell I realized that it was just not true! I have just been
dreaming all day and night, wondering if the nature would shower some light. Wish
that is deep inside locked in a cage; it will come out one day with rage. Going
through all the pain behind the bars, it will be all twinkling like stars.

Top: Levis, Shorts: Mumbai Streets, Slippers: Goa Streets, Neck Chain worn as Anklet: Oriflame

Blooming…

WildFlower!

And
for sure enough even waiting will end…if you can just wait long enough.-William
Faulkner

While I was looking for a place to shoot after a very long
break, it was totally worth the wait. Found this place close to my office, with
an empty ploughed land, few coconut trees, tractor, pile of limestone powder,
scrapped filled in room, and the highlight was the rusted cycle lying down with
weed grown around it!  And a really sweet
dog which guarded us from the stray dogs, an old couple who were helpful and
let us shoot there.

It so happens most of the time when you are stuck on the
side of the road where there is more traffic and the other side looks all free;
when you are in a restaurant waiting for a table, everyone who has a table
seems more happier; when you are waiting in a queue in bank for really long,
the queue next to you seems like moving faster.  When we know that we still have to take the
same road that we have been stuck in, when we know we need to wait for the
table, when we know we have no choice other than waiting in queue; we still
look at the other side.

May be the empty road on the other side is waiting for
vehicles to pass by, may be the people on the table would be sad thinking about
finishing their delicious meal, may be the manager who is handling the queue on
the other side has diarrhea and need to close the entire counter! When we look
the other side, it always looks nicer as we are not on that “other side”.

It’s mostly the wait that kills us as we are too much in a
hurry to reach the destiny or we are busy looking the other side. While we
forget most of the time that the wait or the journey will be worth it once we
reach the destiny, rather than looking the other side; cherishing our journey
would give more happiness. While we are waiting for something or someone the
wait would really seem very longer, if the wait is worth it so will be that
something or someone.

Journey towards what you want seems longer,                                              when it gets
closer your heart beats faster.                                                        The joy that you feel when you get what
you want,                                              it is worth the wait which almost you didn’t want!

Dungarees, Bracelet, Two Finger Ring: Mumbai Streets, Shoes: Bata, Crop Top: Koovs, Neck Chain: Church Street, Lipstick: Lakme

Blooming…

WildFlower!

There is no end to
grief and there is no end to love!-Bono

So Marriage!
Rings a bell? Hell yeah, why wouldn’t it ring! There are lots of devotees who keep
ringing this in my head; it feels like my head is stuck in one of those huge
bells. My parents ring it, some of my close relatives ring it, some far off
uncle and aunt ring it and of course few friends as well! At some point they
do get tired and I get a chance to finally remove my head out. My ears would be
bleeding, brain would have blocked, entire body from head to toe would be numb
and only beep noise that keeps ringing around my head is “Marriage”! 

Would be sitting in a corner hugging my legs tight with my
bleeding ears thinking, currently why has marriage almost become a need, why do
I have to be married like everybody else, why can’t I live alone happily with
my dance classes, travel plans, eating & sleeping the way I want. Digging
on the reasons why everyone else want me to get married doesn’t matter,
thinking on why I do not want to get married is what matters. When everyone
says to do something is when I feel like not doing, to test what happens if I
don’t get married.

Over a conversation with my friend Nikhita discussing about
marriage, who is always on her wheels to get me hooked with some guy, she
doesn’t even mind if I get hooked with a guy who likes her! I told her Marriage
is logical but Love is not. Love is Instinctive, Marriage is Planned. Marriage
is directly proportional to love, you need to love someone to get married or
get married and love someone. Like every other girl/boy who do not want to get
married and still keeps thinking somewhere in the corner of the mind, maybe we
can if we find that “right” person at the right time we can consider to get married,
yes Iam one of them too.

Again, the question arises! Who is the “right” person, what
If I am right and my other half is also right! Wouldn’t that be too boring, I think
I need the “wrong” person whom I can fight with by finding each other’s flaws. I
need someone whom I can feel that I can spend my whole life with even with
those silly fights, I need someone who will not let me go out of his sight even
when I am mad at him, I need someone who I can make smile when he is mad at me.
I am not a petrichor; I don’t expect to be loved by everyone, may be just by someone,
that wrong someone.

In the end, I would just think it’s just one short life.
What can go wrong so much that you need to over think so much about marriage.
Just go grab that guy/girl who is driving you crazy, kiss and burn some
calories. Fall in love again when they come closer; take revenge on the harsh
thoughts that was all running in your end. Say that you can be in love too!

Dress: Zara, Earring: Soul Sante, Armlet: Street store from Goa, Boots: From a really sweet old couple in Mumbai.

Blooming…

Wildflower

Forget all the reasons why it won’t work, believe in one reason why it will!

While I was working on the first post is when I got this thought
to write about basketball on the next one, I don’t know why but I wanted to or
my heart wanted to! Wait, someone has told me that heart doesn’t think, it’s
just my mind then! This shoot was totally unplanned, I had to decide whether to
do it or no in just about few minutes. As it was unplanned I was little
impatient, thanks to Mohon for being so patient and handling such an impatient
me. Planned schedules have never worked for me, it is always unplanned which
has led to wonders. Wonders like me falling from 10 feet and still surviving without any broken bone.

Lush green ground, concrete floor came up in one of the
corners with two pillars on both sides. It’s the Basket Ball court; I have
always liked learning new things other than academics of course. I wanted to be
everywhere, dancing, singing, acting, sports. I could sneak into dancing, singing
and acting but sports was a tough one as I was a dwarf, myth to join any sport is
to be physically fit so I wasn’t allowed to play any sport. Every day I go to
the court and stand and start wondering when will I grow to reach the basket!
When will I grow! If those baskets had a life maybe they would have helped me
grow, Irony is whoever has life didn’t want me to grow so what would those baskets
understand.  They just kept staring at me
like I was staring at them, maybe they too wondered when will she grow!

Years passed and I even forgot that I once liked a sport and
never could play, the place where I work is where I spend more time than home,
when I figured out there is a basketball court here too, it took back to old
memories. All I could think was if those baskets were still wondering if I have
grown up or no! Those eyes that kept staring at me, I kept staring at them.
They were trying to say something every time I pass by, I just continued beaming
at it every time! The feelings that I couldn’t express, the truth that I didn’t
share, the pain still exists. Will I ever grow!

I see that twinkling smile in those eyes, are those inviting
me to reach you. Could see the eyes were connecting, you seem happy that I can
reach you now, I am happy that I can reach you now. But there is something that
is holding me back, I am afraid that I will try to reach you and fall.
Everything that I have tried to reach so far I have only fallen, I am afraid to
fall again but what if I fly! I could explain this only to you, like the bcc on
emails, you know who you are talking to, whoever receives know who they are
talking to but the rest of the world doesn’t.

I didn’t want to stop writing on this one; I would never want
to stop. This is not an end, just the beginning. While I was nervous, restless,
disturbed on how to stop just for now, summed up the above melodrama to this!

I was listening to music to get some inspiration to write,

Realized music is within us and around our sight!

Lub Dub noise of my heart and the Lub Dub noise of the bouncing ball,

I still fear that I will try to reach you and fall!

Tried to swing and was left with almost broken bum and hand,

I will still not give up, I will shine and stand!

You came as a sunshine while I was withering,

Even though I was stepped on, yet I am still blooming!

Dedicated to Lauren Hill who played for her college
basketball team as she battled an inoperable brain tumor, you are truly an
inspiration Lauren.

Dress: Wearhouse, Shoes: Decathlon, Earring: From a Friend!

Blooming…

Wild Flower

What if I Fall! What if I Fly!

I was about 7 years old, there was an occasion in neighbor’s
house and the girl was all dressed up in a south Indian traditional attire. It
was about 9’o clock in the night and I started crying that I wanna be dressed
the same way. Mothers always would want to make their kid’s wish come true and
my Mummy did too; she got me dressed in the Silk Saree, Jewelry, Moggina
Jadai/Jadai/Pelli Jada(made with Jasmine flowers) which was heavier than me of
course. There were no personal cameras those days or we couldn’t afford one, we
went to the photo studio where the focus lights pass through Umbrella’s on
both sides, stand in the middle with colorful screens at the background which
can be changed as per your choice. Once all set Click, Click, Click and back
home with a happy face! Since then and till now, I still have the same
excitement to dress up!

 

There were a lot of people around me suggesting to start a
blog, I was very hesitant and never interested because this is not something
that I ever wanted to do (I have a list of goals that I need to achieve and
this was not even any close). Every day I go to the office, Sherly starts clicking pictures. On just one random day, I felt I need to start this and pinged
Sherly that the pictures you click are so nice I wanna start a blog now. She
said, really if you feel like, let’s do it. There was something pricking all the time that I need to start this, oh it’s called Intuition.

I had to decide what to wear, so whenever I am confused or
even if I am not the first thing ever comes to my mind is “Black”! Anything in
Black, ever ready to buy and wear anytime, anywhere! I had gifted this Black
Maxi dress to myself from Fashion and you to welcome 2015. A couple of days
before we decided to click pictures; I got this idea to mix gold jewelry
with the dress. Mummy was always fond of gold jewelry so thought would make her
happy by wearing them.

With all the obstacles of getting jewelry and rains on the
day when we decided to click pictures, we still didn’t want to give up. I have heard
if you really wish for anything, nature will support you and make your wishes
come true! Yes, it did happen, the rains, natural lighting and a dual
rainbow which I saw it for the very first time. Mothers always would want to
make their kid’s wish come true and my Mummy did too! The dual rainbow seemed like
two umbrellas on both sides, the sun seemed like focus light passing through
the rainbow, stand in the middle with colorful screens in the background. Once all
set Click, Click, Click and back home with a happy face! Who would have ever
imagined, right after 20 years, the same scene would repeat again.

Dress: Fashion and You, Jewelry: Mummy Dearest!

Blooming…

Wild Flower