After I realised most of my relationships and friendships were so rooted in me Pleasing them, I was like, God, I need to be awarded as the Best People Pleaser! hahaha
So, People Pleasing is a Trauma response and in Psychological terms, it is called Fawning. One of the ways how our body keeps us safe in the survival state.
For me People Pleasing was, to give gifts. Always, anybody, I meet, even for a few hours or just know them for a while, I would buy them real pricey gifts you know. I just could not tolerate anybody not liking me, I had to please them somehow. I would always be available for everyone, carry everybody’s emotional weight, feel bad if someone don’t share with me and shares it with someone else, I just could not say NO, I clearly could not draw boundaries too.
Especially for people who have a Mother wound, as in your Mother was not available for you emotionally or you lost your mother at a younger age. You may develop this pattern of pleasing people as you have developed this fear of losing people.
So last year, when all of this came into my consciousness, I told myself, Okay now I am going to start saying No to people-whoever it is friends or family, does not matter! As I was mostly at home, and barely had any communication at all with the outside world I could not test it, all I could do is with family-which was very difficult in the beginning, eventually, I did start telling No to family members as well specifically my brother who would always borrow money from me.
There was one funny incident that happened though, the first week of hiring the coach, as I was talking to her I was sharing my family story and I was feeling so bad that I was dumping on her and I was like “I am sorry to share this, I know its all too much” hahaha She was a sweet girl and she immediately told me its not too much.
And it took me a week or two, oh boy! Its again coming from a place of pleasing someone, can you believe I hired a coach asking for help and feeling bad asking for help hahahahah
Another story was, this new neighbour girl who bought scrunchies from me did not pay me for a while. I was so hesitant to ask her, after a long wait I messaged her and told her to pay me. I actually live in a small town and don’t really have any friends here, so this girl seemed like I can have a friend and I realised later that I had this fear I would lose her if at all I ask for my money. Around this time, I read this quote “Real connections will never leave you, whatever the circumstances are.”
After a few months, the same girl and his family were going out of town and her mother had asked me if I can take care of their cat. I said cool, I can, I have taken care of that cat before and I did not have any issue genuinely and after a few days, I am still sleeping around 7 am or so and she calls. I did not answer as I felt a little violated by the boundary and hear someone knocking on my door, it was his brother with the cat. I felt uncomfortable, took the cat and started my day, what happened after really put me off!
At this time, I was working on a quilting project {you can buy my products on Instagram @upcyclewither} and I was quite packed that week. So these people absolutely did not think of any of my work and she kept sending parcels over parcels of cat food and other stuff. I was getting agitated as I had work and I had to pick up so many parcels. I did not want to ruin my mood and continued with my work as I didn’t want to transfer that energy into it. After my work was done, I was just relaxing and another parcel comes by and this time, this girl did not even inform me that this parcel was coming through.
I was like that’s it, I need to talk and I immediately messaged her saying this was not right whatever you did, you need to understand what boundaries are, just because I am home, does not mean I am free and blah blah blah
I was also very happy deep inside that I have finally learnt a lesson on how to draw boundaries, she was like okay I am coming to pick the cat and she came, then I go like, see it is not about me, it is about the cat, I didn’t like tying her as I was working!
After she left, I was like, why the hell did I say that! It was about the cat, yes, but it was about me also! Eeekkkkkk.
So, my dear friends, I am sharing this to tell you that, bringing awareness is the first step, an action has to be taken, and it won’t happen overnight. Consistent action towards drawing boundaries, consistently practising to tell yourself that it is okay to draw boundaries.
It actually feels extremely selfish, especially when you have people pleased all your life. The fear comes in that you might lose people and at the same time you actually don’t have to feel bad if you do fail in drawing boundaries.
So how to bring to conscious awareness, as in to know whether you are People Pleasing or if you are genuinely helping:
It is always One-sided. For Ex: you are always the one making plans, you are always the one checking on everyone. It is almost never or usually very minimal from the other side.
(Most of my past friends were like this) hahaha
2. You feel energetically drained after trying to help or fix someone, which means you are genuinely not doing it.
3. Somewhere deep in the heart, you feel, will these people really be there for me when I need them.
4. People usually call you strong because you are always listening to everyone and usually always available.
5. You almost never say NO, whatever situation you are in: emotionally, physically or even materialistically. You still want to step ahead and help them.
{Apply for 1:1 Coaching to transform yourself to live the life you deserve to live, here}
So, these are some of the things that you can consciously notice, and then you can take the decision of whether to have these people around you or not.
And when you do start setting boundaries, be nice to yourself, you will overthink if you did anything wrong, you will feel selfish, you will feel weird, your body will act weird, remember you are shedding a skin that you are holding on to for a long time now.
If you do fail drawing boundaries, don’t feel bad, it’s okay, try again, and again and again.
Remember you are not alone in this, and you won’t be left alone. I am actually telling this to myself as I tell it to you. There are 8 billion people in the world and I am also here for you my loves.
As you can see in the title it is all about the learnings I had in 2021, I know we are 1.5 months ahead in 2022 but somehow this topic kept coming back in my head to share my learnings, so here you go the story of my favourite year of my life-The 2021.
Before I start the actual story, I just want to talk about someone who is my online Mentor-Bob Proctor whose videos got me hooked like a fevicoal last year around the same time. He passed from his physical body to eternal spirit last week and I was a little upset. Anyway, I do believe that nobody dies, they are always there for us in another form.
So something interesting happened, the day when I came to know he passed, that night I could not sleep well. I usually don’t do this but every time this has happened, it guides me to open Instagram, I did that day and I saw a new person liking my recent Post. When I went to her profile, it said she is New york’s best selling author and guess what she was also one of the closest friends of Bob Proctor! I was like, wow! There was this post of her’s with photos of Bob and she talking about their friendship and I dwelled up! My goodness, this cannot be a coincidence! Whatever I am now, I owe a lot to him and I know he will always be there for me!
So starting with whatever he imparted on me that had a huge effect starting from January 2021, he always said you are an average of 5 people you hang out with! I was like okay, now that’s something I need to seriously look into; because boy oh boy the friendships I had was nowhere closer to the new Sneha that I was trying to become. So, Let’s dive in!
Its okay to put yourself first by Letting go of Old Friendships that does not serve you!
You see when you decide your goals and attain those goals, this is how I need to be and this is how everything around me has to be; the situations and circumstances start to change by themselves. It started with January when there was this circumstance that came up and I had to let go of these girls who were friends with me for more than a decade. Was it painful? Yes, was it required? Also yes! Whatever they did to me in that circumstance was not something that I could accept and I had to take a step back and tell them that I don’t want to be part of this kind of friendship anymore! After this, between Feb to April again certain situations came up where I again let go of another set of long term friends. I don’t know if it is sounding selfish because that’s how it feels as these were long terms friends and they have been there during my worst times but this time the way they were behaving with me was something that I could not tolerate. Even now, if you ask me how I had the courage to do that, I still do not know. Like I said, I guess when you are so firm on what is serving you and what is not, you will take certain decisions that you have never taken in your life to uplevel for the next step. So, I kind of lost about 97% of my friends, I was known to have friends all across the city and none of it mattered to me at that time. I was even fine to have 0 friends, and all that mattered to me was me and my goals and putting myself as a priority first, Finally
2. Opinions of Others that didn’t matter!
It was probably a week to 10 days before I was launching my upcycle business, a friend of mine, again who I knew for more than a decade came home with her partner. The day before she came home, she called me and asked if I would hang out with them that weekend and I immediately said no, I also made a statement that I am not coming out anywhere for the next year. I was laughing at this as I typed along because this is not me who would say something like that! A People pleaser Sneha who does not say no to people finally started doing so.
So both of them came home to pick up something from me and I had just gotten the initial products that were ready for the launch, I was all excited and showing it to them and this dude-her partner goes like-whats a big deal in this, it’s not like an idea that I have never got, oh it is just a piece of Banyan cloth-Banyan cloth for those who don’t know is a cheap elastic fabric! I just smiled at him and said, this much Ego is not good for your health. I am an Empath and I get super sensitive with what others say to me. So again, my goal was much stronger to repel all these opinions that others put out. Anyway, the good news is, that was another friend that was meant to let go and that is why he behaved that way. Universe by my side giggling!
Another one was with this really good friend of mine, she is still a good friend but yes again, everybody has their own limiting beliefs and that’s how their opinions come out. So, I got this idea of creating clothes with stories of people which in my head, was fantastic and brilliant and when I shared it with her, I did not receive a positive response.
I was also talking about this on my youtube video with respect to the topic of Self Love/Self-compassion, this is where it starts when we prioritise that our opinion matters the most and not others.
3. Circumstances that were not in my control
Okay, for those all of you who blame circumstances and situations, this is a must-read. I also want to say, that if you are one of them who blame, there is nothing wrong with it as I was that person too. Since most of society operates that way, we all believe that’s the way to go. So getting into the details now, I launched my brand on April 20th 2021, That date was important, I cannot say what it is but my mind was somehow stuck to that date. This was also the time when Covid was rampaging all around-the second wave. Even though I was having second thoughts if I should go with it, the voice that was louder in me was to go ahead. Also, this good friend of mine, mirrored the same as me that every time there is going to be something.
So, I got all my fabric waste from these factories in a city called Tirupur, and I was so practical and so strategically business-minded, I wanted to have a launch video. I don’t know where I got that idea from, but I wanted to so badly and I wanted it to be a professional video. At that time, this friend of mine whose pictures I saw and liked, I asked her who clicked and she said it was her husband and he is passionate and I could see the passion in the work. I was also in this place where I was still considering this business as a side business and I was not completely serious to be very honest. But, my vision since day 1 was whomever I work with I will pay them well coz I know the pain of not being paid as an artist. So anyway, long story short, I want to keep this one short because this can be an episode in itself, so I met this couple, discussed everything and he suggested we will visit the factory and shoot a video. All that happened, we came back, he sent me the video, this was just about a few days before the launch. I liked the video and in the intro, I wanted a very minor change in the music that was used, so I called him and I explained to him and he immediately goes like, very rudely “I cant compose the music”. I handled it well but I almost got into the tone of crying and immediately sensed okay, I don’t feel like using these videos. I don’t want to start my business with this kind of energy.
I sat on my desk, I cried and I had just written a poem and was staring at it, immediately this guy whom I had met on my travels who had worked on Bollywood was an editor came to my mind and I called him, and he said he can help me out.
So to this other photographer, I sent him the payment and he also kind of sent me another rude text that he will delete all the videos from his drive soon and asked me to download them. The next few days, I was so anxious and was trying to download these files and it was not working with the connection I had I finally decided I don’t feel like using these videos so just texted him to remove it all!
By then, I had this friend who had shown interest in doing photography for me and I asked her if she can take a few clippings as this is not working out. She said yes. That poem I had just written when this guy behaved rudely that day, became the background score and the idea for my launch video and it turned out to be way better than the other one, so intimate and so personal.
There were 2 things I learnt from this: 1. It was my mistake too for not being too serious about my work and randomly making decisions and at the same time accepting myself and not beating myself upon it. 2. To acknowledge that situation also came up because something better is coming up-which eventually did.
And because of this circumstance, another friend went out of the zone too, probably I should have named this as learnings from friends hahaha ex-friends!
After this, I was all preparing well for the launch and something happened again! I was like, Universe, are you freaking kidding me! This is what happened, Just one day before the launch, a closed family member tested positive. This was the time when I would see news of beds not being available in Blore and so much chaos everywhere, I was like phew! And guess what, in just a few hours this family member got a bed and we were told that there was nothing to worry about as it was a moderate case.
That previous night, I ofcourse didn’t sleep and was continuously praying in the hopes of things getting better. It did! So, I went ahead with my launch, it was well-received, ofcourse I was not deeply celebrating, it was also probably coz I was already in that feeling all through the process and at the same time the covid situation too.
I got a few orders and the next week, a strict order of lockdown was announced. I again, took that positively as I had more time to indulge in learning Instagram and marketing and how to promote the products, I was also learning sewing at that time.
The next 2 weeks, was mostly my work on Instagram, 2 of my cousins tested positive, took care of this family member, calls to hospitals and checked on everyone around. My goodness, I probably had like 20 hands and 20 heads with 2 Kalis in my body at that time.
The good things that came out of this Covid situation were, something magically happened with respect to family dynamics. I can’t share the full details as it is too personal, but it all shifted everything in a beautifully positive way; this is also the best manifestation that happened to me last year! Mind you, I had not even asked for it!
4. Broken Promises by People that turned into Biggest Discoveries
At the end of 2020, there was this Sales guy who found my profile on Naukri & called me for a freelance job. At that time, all I wanted was to divert my mind and took it up. I would slog all day and as the days went by, the kind of job role this was I was not feeling connected to as it was to do a lot with Artificial Intelligence as I was a super practical environmentalist person at that time if you would have read the earlier blog post, you know.
After a month when the time came to pay, he was behaving weird and not up for the conversation. Exactly a year ago on 13th February, I had this heated conversation with this guy about his lies and manipulative stories he made about the payment. Speak of the timing eh? I for sure did not know I would be sharing this story as a learning, a year later.
I remember the date so well because I journaled about it, as that night is when the upcycled business idea came in coz I couldn’t sleep as I was so angry at him! So, this was the first person who broke the promise and that led to changing my whole life!!!
I immediately called a tailor near my house who I had once discussed this idea about, at that time she said she cant but this time she said she will. But you see, Universe wants to throw some more situations to make me stronger hahaha! There was something that happened at home, where it came to a place where I may have to move out. I was discussing this business idea with a friend at that time and also the situation at home, and just on one call, we came up with a business idea together to start a sustainable gifting solution.
Everything was happening fast, we would always have phone calls, I would wake up early to plan out, but somewhere deep deep inside there was this voice that was saying this will not work out. Hahaha! Anyway, after 2 weeks or so, I kind of realised I was not syncing well with this girl and calmly told her I will back out from this as I am not feeling comfortable. She didn’t take it well and she started on her own with the same idea as mine.
Right after that things got better at home, and then I started my business plan again.
Aaannnnd you may not believe who may be this other person who broke the promise.
Like I said earlier, the business was launched in April, covid situation, I was learning sewing and planning strategies for business, handle Instagram. It was getting a little too hectic and I told my tailor that I will take a break from learning and you continue with the sewing of orders, right after that, she stopped taking things seriously. As I was not going there every day, she would screw up whatever design I share, she would just randomly tell me that she can’t take orders and also started to increase the price from whatever we agreed on before. After weeks of thinking and overthinking, with no plans on what is going to happen next, messaging everyone who ordered with me telling me to cancel them, I took the decision to let her go-the only soul person of my business!
So in all of these situations-I am not blaming any of them, it is not about they are right or wrong, this is for me to understand what was in me, that attracted situations like this. In the sales guy’s case, I did not make clear boundaries with respect to payment and I did not even ask for any written document of proof that I was working for him.
In my friend’s case, I was not clearly communicating even though I felt that it might not work out in the beginning days.
In my tailor’s case, I was highly superficial myself at my work, and so was she. As the business was new and with broken records of handling finances in the past. Even though I was paying her fairly, whatever she asked, I was still not sure what fair pricing was as I was still operating a lot from a lack of mindset.
All 3 people, lead me to the biggest discoveries of my life. Starting the business, revealing my hidden strengths, learning to be independent and a lot lot lot more.
This is how I evolved you all, sorry-evolving. Always accepting the people and circumstances that happened for me, that helped me on my growth and not sit and suffer that God is treating me bad, an FYI-God will never do such things! hahahah
5. Taking Calculative Risks and Burning my Ego
Everybody who knows me personally knows that I always take risks. From quitting my corporate job and venturing into travelling, I did that all to escape from another reality and was too naive. I was not at all practical, especially when it came to Money. In my early days of working, I have not managed Credit cards very well so after I cleared those bills, I destroyed them and did not want to get them anymore.
Since I wanted to expand myself and invest in a coach last year, hiring a private coach is always on higher terms. My mindset was pretty strong by then and this time I knew I will be careful. As soon as I made that decision, I got a call from the bank to avail of this credit card, my credit score has always been good so I got a great deal and that’s the first biggest risk I took. I purchased a new sewing machine, I took a DIY coaching course by Jen Sincero.
I was still not feeling enough, I mean my soul craved for more growth. Now, I wanted to hire a private coach. To pay this coach, I had to ask for money from someone who I was most uncomfortable with; that’s where again the test was. I had to burn my Ego and ask for help! I did, I hired a coach and I became a coach.
(Apply here if you would like to work with me 1:1 to attract Abundance)
Once you set your mind to something, don’t worry about how things will fall in place. Just be ready to accept whatever comes in if I would have told Oh! I am trying to manifest money through my sales, why am I getting credit card calls and why has this person suddenly offered me money! Then the Universe will be like, well, she asked for help and now she is saying no!
Remember that old story, of a man drowning in floods, he asked God to save him by ignoring the help that came through car, boat and a helicopter and then he died and went up and asked God why didn’t he help me and god was like I did send you car, boat and a helicopter.
This story was reminded to me again, from this book that my coach referred to me called The law of divine compensation, a great read if you would like to.
For now, If you came this far, let me know if you learned anything at all from my lessons, as always I am active on Instagram. You can tag me or message me. If you would like to buy my products, click here, currently there is a 40 % discount going on.
I started by talking about Bob Proctor, I will end with the same in one of his videos, he had mentioned, “One year from now, you will need a telescope to check your progress”.
Photo clicked in Kodaikanal, this was my workplace 😉
Disclaimer: All that I am sharing in this post is purely from my own experience and my own realisations for my own good and for Mother Earth’s good-in simple words, Just my Perspective. You all know now, how connected I am to nature and how protective I was too! So, Climate change was something that always questioned me about the existence of Humanity. In the year 2016, I watched the movie The Revenant with a friend, I had just quit my job and was about to start travelling. Right after the movie, they were 2 things that were clear to me:
1. I was sure that my love Leonardo is gonna win Oscar.
2. I told my friend, that “We are all gonna Die”; exactly in the same tone as to how Jennifer Lawrence screams in the recent movie “Don’t Look Up”!
Although I always did my bit as much as I could to keep the environment around me safe and clean, I just could not come to terms with the carelessness of others. Every now and then, the Big news of climate change always put me off; to an extent where I had once decided that I will not have any children. Watching so many Environmentalists, always blaming the existence of Humans on Climate Change, and also as my experiences matched with theirs, I developed hatred towards Humanity-which means I developed hatred towards myself!
In my first remote job, in Kodaikanal; the job was to manage the place that involved running from one hill to another. I met so many incredible humans, who became such good friends later on. My mornings were filled with beautiful sunrises amidst mountains and the whole day dancing around with the rains and leeches. Although the work was hectic, the people who worked around there made it all so simpler and easy.
I once mentioned to our cook there, that I don’t like washing clothes and she took it from me and washed it in the river for me; how much ever I denied not to! Who does that, my goodness! And another help, cooked this delicious meal and invited me to his house, that meal tasted exactly like how my mother cooked.
You see, the nature all around was beautiful, I had everything that I craved for. One of the main reasons for me to start travelling is to be away from humans, all that was satisfying. But, I also deep inside craved for that connection with other Humans is what I realised there and that’s what I found in all of those beautiful people.
I remember, telling a friend over there. You know, I always hated humans so much coz I thought they are the only reason for climate change; now I have realised that Humans are Nature too!
Fast forward, to many years later; this Sneha decides to start a Sustainable brand because why not, Environmentalist, travels sustainably, lives sustainably; It’s all perfect, right! This is where it all brought up my Climate Change Anxiety again. I would not throw any Plastic bag that comes with groceries, how much ever I carry my bag there would be some groceries that I would have to buy which would already be packed with plastic.
Also, my family members would not listen and that would give me another set of anxiety; I also live in the suburbs of Bengaluru and didn’t even have the option to send the plastic bags for recycling and the covid situation wasn’t helping either.
I would store sacks of plastic all around my house, I would wear torn clothes coz I didn’t want to buy more and be a burden to the environment and I would avoid eating chips as they would come in plastic bags. I basically, was stressing myself to all of these in the name of saving Mother Earth, not even realising, how will the Mother be happy when her child is suffering.
Since I was new in the business, I was also trying to fit in in the Sustainable industry and I wanted to be part of the community. I was scared, that I was contradicting my lifestyle and the ethics of my brand.
At the same time, I was also awakening, rather my soul was awakening hahaha! I was reading a lot about Money as I had to prepare myself very well in my business. Money is Energy, Rich people are not evil, Limiting Beliefs around Money, how Money is divine Abundance; it all made a lot of sense to me.
This was definitely a clash because every sustainable business owner I was in connection with, would always Bad mouth rich people and most of the sustainable bloggers/practitioners did too. This is not to blame anyone, coz I was that person too one day. Just that my mindset shifted so my beliefs shifted too and I was not syncing with any of them. Now, this Sneha who is trying to be fit in the sustainable industry and also who wants to be Abundant, got into a soup! Hahaha
I use to promote my products saying it’s affordable coz in the sustainable industry there was always this notion that sustainable products are expensive. So I was basically pleasing everyone by putting my worth down, in simpler words repelling all the abundance I was meant to receive.
In the beginning, I even sold most of my products at a very lower price coz I was in fear that nobody would buy it. It’s not possible to keep each of my legs on two different boats and row ahead for a longer time right.
So long story short, I chose to be Abundant, why not! The universe is Abundant, Universe is Expanding and so does all of us.
Now that Sneha had the realisation that stressing herself will not make her Mother Earth happy, trying to fit herself where her values were not seen, will not make her Mother Earth happy, Bad mouthing Rich people will not make her Mother Earth happy!
If you are a business owner reading this, whether you charge 5 Rs for your product/services or 5 crores for your product/services; you are bound to attract people at both levels. So it’s all in You, to decide your worth, it’s not about whether people will buy the products/services are not, it is about whether you feel worthy enough of receiving that Abundance.
And I would say when there is an infinite amount of Abundance, why do you want to choose the path where there is Scarcity. That reminds me, having learnt sooooo much about Wealth Mindset, I am having a 1:1 coaching session to expand your Abundant Mindset, Click here to apply for it.
Whether you want to be Rich or not, it’s your choice but there is no point in stressing about not having money. It does not make sense if you have to think more than once when you really want to buy that dress or eat that pizza, and if you are not happy deep inside, it is bound to show up and that creates stress.
So finally, I threw those sacks of plastic bags/garbage I had collected for months, I gave away most of my old clothes, I cleared my house from all the stagnant energy and then I sensed a bit of calmness in me and all around the house.
Right after that, I started to receive more orders; speak of clearing the stagnant energy eh?
I still carry my bag wherever I go, I carry a box if I have to buy chips, I make Bio enzymes, I separate my waste, I do whatever I can, that is in my control. The ones I can’t control, I don’t try to!
Also being open to Abundance gives me more freedom and do more work towards the environment. Who knows, I might get to work with Dicaprio’s Foundation. hahaha
Long ago; a friend had asked me if I have a role model. I told her, I don’t have any but I love what Dicaprio’s foundation does towards Environment and Animals.
Speaking of him, I watched his latest movie Don’t Look Up, of course on the first day when it was released as I was really looking forward to it as it was about climate change. Looking at the movie, from an Artist’s perspective, mind-blowing- a good cast, great visuals, amazing script. Looking from an Environmentalist perspective, well you will be surprised to hear this not even one chord in my heart was struck.
It was supposed to scare people to take climate change seriously, but somehow that message was disconnected. I may have healed from the Climate Change trauma but it definitely still worries me when I see the news about glaciers melting. Recently, NASA shared a post on how Earth’s temperature has increased over the last few decades and that was a little triggering. But this movie, not at all; the only scene that made me emotional and cry- was the last scene where Timothy prays to God-speak of being spiritually awakened eh? Anyway, if you guys have watched it, I would like to know your perspective.
To wrap up this episode, what I feel is, when it comes to Climate change we all look at nature as separate from Humans, yes we have caused the destruction but if we have the power to destruct, don’t we have the power to create them all too! Somewhere in the process of growing, we have lost the connection of ourselves, that connection to ourselves can be regained by healing within first.
That’s when we connect to the Universe, by that I mean our highest self, that’s where we get into the feeling of us being Nature.
We are Nature, We are creators and We will flourish and Nourish; the change is happening and I am positive about it.
As the disclaimer stated at the beginning, all of this is all my perspective; but I also do believe that most of you could resonate with it so if you did, do send me a message on Instagram or drop a review or whatever you feel like doing.
If you would like to listen to my Podcast, click here.
For those of you who have been following my blog (iamblackwildflower) since its Inception, let me address the Name change first – A few months ago, like I always say. A major shift happened in me, which you must know if you have been following me on Instagram. One of the biggest changes was when I started sharing about my growth on my personal page, I was sharing it from the view that my Journey and growth has to help someone, somehow. And one day, this girl messaged me saying, she feels motivated and healed whenever she sees my posts. I still remember that day, when I got so emotional, that it is indeed helping someone.
Last week, I made a formal announcement on Instagram that I am a Coach and how it happened. Again, I don’t really know how it happened, so every time I write captions on my personal page It was flowing out very naturally and I was not really feeling like I have put effort into this. At the end of the caption, I started to mention “Yours Consciously” Sneha like how you put out in letters you know, like Yours faithfully etc.
One day, I was just randomly seeing if I can update my Instagram handle from iamblackwildflower to yours.consciously and it automatically got updated.
So, it’s just for the sanity of everyone and myself that we are all on the same page on all accounts, I decided to change the name of the Website and the Podcast too.
Now, getting into the real story.
As most of my childhood was spent in my village, I developed a close relationship with Nature, with Mother Earth. Apart from the Galaxies, Stars and Universe that excited me as a kid in school, topics like Pollution, different types of them, how are they caused, Ozone layer; all of it got out the Environmentalist in me as a kid.
I still remember, when we bought the refrigerator for the first time, telling my mother that these machines release harmful chemicals that form holes in the ozone layer. I always preached to throw garbage in the dustbin, I would never ever throw anything out of the bus window while travelling and would quite often advise people also not to do the same.
Plastic was not much of a big issue back then, but littering always was. I would always throw the garbage in the designated place and keep the surroundings clean and neat in the locality where we grew up.
Fast forward to many years, to look back from my travelling days as a travel blogger since 2016, my thoughts and decisions to travel sustainably was always keeping Mother Earth at first. The past year, whoever I came in contact with who are spiritually aligned, all of them always said how they all got super close to Mother Nature after their awakening. Then, I kept wondering, if I was always spiritual since I was a kid.
So this is the thing, we are all Spiritual beings. As kids, we don’t think from our rational minds, this is why they say Kids are Gods.
Also, I always have loved every animal/insect/bird that I have seen since I was a kid and it has been vice versa too. Okay, I might say something that might creep you a bit so sorry in advance, Snakes have always found me attractive and vice versa. Of course, whenever I went to my village, I would always spot snakes, I have seen them dance, I have seen the shredded skin everywhere and that fascination lead me to say to everyone, that I want to have Snakes as pets one day in my life.
So this school I was working on earlier was located in the mountains and of course, there were snakes and of course, I attracted them. I don’t want to creep you out if you haven’t already, the first time, there was this Juvenile snake under my skirt, the 2nd time, I had just come back from travelling to another city, I switched off the lights and went to bed, in few seconds I heard something falling on the floor, I put on the torch and saw a snake had fallen from the roof, right opposite to my bed, the 3rd time, I was enjoying an evening and then I saw this really big fellow who had caught a frog and was just lying around and enjoying his/her evening!
Yeah, so again all spiritual humans said you are more inclined towards animals and animals find you attractive, so here you go, I was spiritual all the time then!
But, I was raised in a hardcore Non-vegetarian family so I have eaten animals and I also wanted to be adventurous as I am a foodie and I was in that mindset, that I have to try everything before I die kind of one. Well now, the good news is I am a vegetarian, again eating Non-Veg was something that I was not completely drawn into. It was a little tough to say no in family gatherings. But, the last 2 months I noticed my body was always being weird, and I would have stomach upset every time I ate non-veg so I decided to listen to my body!
Again, going back to my childhood and my time in the village, My Grandmother raised a good amount of chicken, at the same time, we cut them and ate them too. So I have been on both extremes, I have felt and experienced the playfulness of a Chicken by playing with them, watching them lay their eggs, watching the baby chicks come out of their shells, I have also witnessed their heads being chopped off and collected the blood.
I have come to peace with it now, to live in the memories of playing with the chicken. Also, this is not the first time of me going Vegetarian. In my college days, I attended this workshop and saw cows being slaughtered and I went vegetarian for 2 years straight and on a trip to Kerala, I saw this fried fish, I got tempted and switched back.
But this time, it is definitely for good. I am not switching back again unless I get stranded on an island like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
Yours Consciously Sneha 