Yours Consciously Sneha

Tag: inspiration

  • Batman & Buddha

    Batman & Buddha

    Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves, up-Mr Thomas Wayne.

    22/03/2020

    The day I saw Batman Begins (Not at all because of the Janata Curphew-only for “Indians”)

    I am not a superhero fan, hence avoided watching Christopher Nolan’s Batman series. People who know me and my theories of life and my prejudice towards humans, also being a movie buff, it is quite surprising for anyone to believe that I haven’t watched Batman series. After Joker was a huge hit, the pressure from a friend to having me watch Batman series was quite high. And then came Corona/COVID-19 and Isolation and the dark times. So, the best time to enter into a void filled with darkness. Right? Well, so ready to fly?

    Sunday it was, also declared as Janata Curphew in India due to Corona/COVID-19. Being in isolation mostly, this didn’t mean much but it did mean that I am not stepping out to even buy chips. Now, getting back to the actual talk, I did all the cooking and opened my laptop at 12:30 pm with brunch in my hand and laptop on my stacked pillows to watch Batman Begins. I drew the curtains for the “Dark effect”(to avoid glare-just say it) and the Batman Begins.

    Guess what, halfway through the movie. Something creepy happened, blazing hot sun slipped away and dark clouds entered. There was thundering & lightning, darkness all around. Looked like the universe was trying to tell me something. Hire Morgan Freeman maybe?

    A Little Background

    Every movie/series that I watch, I always relate to the scenarios that happened in my life or to something that may happen in future.

    Batman

    For example, when Master Bruce falls into the well and sees Bats fly, it reminded me of a Bat baby that I lived with, in my room. She did no harm to me, once I saw her hanging on the fan and she flew as soon as she felt someone was around and I covered my face with arms exactly like how Master Bruce did.

    Batman1

    Getting back to the Movie

    Master Bruce leaving his wealth behind and walking away reminded me of the book “Siddhartha” by Herman Hesse. More so like Buddha’s life rather, which Master Bruce was trying to live. His clothing, his travels, his lifestyle and his quest in search of the meaning of existence.

    Personal Thoughts? Huh! Or Learning Outcomes maybe(I work in a school you see, Ssshhh)

    You always fear what you don’t understand-Batman

    There are contradictions in me all the time, about compassion & vengeance; about love and hatred; about forgiving and revenge. We live in an evil world like many says, but what’s evil to me may not be evil to you. So who defines what’s evil and what’s not! Or if it is a real evil as defined by “Global Oxford Dictionary”, how do we win over the evil? By compassion, so if we are nice to Evil, the Evil will be nice to us? Then why are they called Evil il if they can be nice!!! Compassion does the magic, perhaps?

    As I was typing this, the almost last scene from “The Dark Knight” of two ships appeared in front of my eyes. Compassion does have some power and so does hope to believe in compassion.

    For many years I believed if anybody is bad to me, I will be bad to them. This is how they will know how being bad feels like. After a few years, I realized, hang on! If I am bad to them, they will again be bad to me and to someone else and this goes on like a chain and we are filled with bad people so this is not a solution. Probably if I show compassion to those people who are bad to me, they may be turn out to be good.

    Right now, I am stuck in between both of these theories. In many instances of my life, when I have responded with revenge, it has helped. It may have not helped them, but has helped me in terms of Self-pride and satisfaction. I will just worry about myself and my happiness, who am I to change the world. A Batman? At the same time, being good has also torn me to pieces that I am still trying to collect to make it one. Because good things always come with a cost you see?

    I would be lying if I don’t mention, how much I savoured seeing Joker being hopeful about the crackers flying in the sky (Ships bursting). Sadist eh? and also thankful that the crackers didn’t blow up in the sky. See the contradictions?

    I hope I have left with enough worms in all your head to scratch and pull it out!

    THE END

    I do not really have any clarity after watching these movies either, the contradiction still lies. So for now, I have decided to be both Joker and Batman, use the masks effectively as and when needed.

    Anyway, we are all wearing a mask all the time! (Not the Corona Mask you guys, phew)

    You all know, what!

    But, it still tickles me, if Batman had anything to do with Buddha.

    What do you think?

    Blooming…

    Wild Flower

  • Mistakes I learned from after quitting my job!

    Mistakes I learned from after quitting my job!

    We don’t make mistakes, Just happy little accidents-Bob Ross

    26th February 2016, the day is stamped in my memories for all the good reasons. I was leaving behind the biggest baggage of my life-my corporate job. I was taking my last breath in the AC filled rooms to venturing my breath in the fresh air. End of one life to the beginning of the new one. Fixed salary every month, friends and memories-all of it I had to leave behind. There was no other choice, the decision was made for my better life and I had to move forward even if the emotional baggage on my back was much heavier.

    1

    Time ticked, 26th February finished its routine. Now, what next? No swiping ID card to enter the office, No manager to report to, no more AC chillness, no more drama with colleagues, no more free coffee, no more fixed salary. All I have now is my “freedom”; mine alone, the freedom that I own.

    September 2015 I spent a week in Sri Lanka for my birthday, once I returned I couldn’t work in a closed space anymore. I was confused if I can hold my corporate job and travel using my leaves and long weekends like I did the whole of 2015. It was not enough, every time I had to come back to work that I don’t like; I had this feeling to rip myself out & scream that I am not meant to be here.

    Also read: Confession from a Confused Mind.

    2

    I had an EMI of my phone to clear so I forced myself to work for few months, save some money and then leave the job. Meanwhile, I started my research on travel blogging, volunteering, freelancing and other jobs I could do while traveling. Everything looked promising; I decided to take the plunge and resigned after 4 months.

    After I left the job I had my savings to survive for the next few months, as there is money in the bank account I was not very serious about looking out for opportunities. This was the first mistake I made and everything else followed along with this.

    Plans

    I did not have any prior experience of writing, blogging and neither did I have any contacts in any media to publish my articles. My rough plan was to travel the next few months with my savings, and then I would receive my Provident Fund (PF) amount which I can use as a base and freelance. Most of the times, few things don’t work like we would want it to work. My PF amount didn’t hit at the right time but I got a job in an Organic Farm/Guest House, this was just when I was almost out of my savings.

    3

    This job gave me a feasible income, not less and not more. Just as much as I needed, the job was hectic and I couldn’t concentrate on writing so I could not look for any freelance jobs either. I left the job after 2 months, traveled again for a while and then was almost out of money. Searching for freelance jobs is one of the biggest tasks, it was too difficult and always demotivated me. As I knew I was going to receive my PF amount sometime soon, I have to accept that I almost lost hopes to look out for freelance jobs.

    I never believed in plans, plans don’t work I would say. Well, it does work sometimes, especially when a major decision of leaving a job is taken; there should be a good plan to sustain. I indeed did my research before leaving the job but it was not enough, a stronger plan with a good foundation was needed. I was trying to build a palace even without buying a land.

    Goals

    4

    Making a big name in blogging, being an author could have been my ideal goals. I did not have any, at that moment when I had to leave the job; I was only looking for opportunities where I can survive while traveling. There are many roads and I tried stepping on every road without reaching any destination, of course, the journey taught me great lessons but the destination is amazingly beautiful too. I pretty much blindfolded myself to look at one goal, I was trying to shoot the bullet without aiming.

    Money

    So far the biggest mistake is to take things very lightly with money, after the job in the Organic Farm/Guest House, I was almost broke the next 2 months, that’s when my long wait for PF came through. I was on cloud 9, I made smaller plans to use this money as a base and do freelance jobs while I savor on this vagrant lifestyle.

    5

    As the opportunities for freelancing were very less and every time I think of it I would be upset, I met someone who gave an idea to start the café. I invested all my money to start the café; the very first day when the work had to begin I was betrayed. Not to dwell more on this, the cafe didn’t work out and I lost all my money.

    6

    I did not plan better, was not clear with my goals and I took money as a very simple commodity. But let the truth be spoken, money is needed! No matter what, even if I want to escape into a forest I need money to eat food, stay healthy to walk and stay focused.

    These are the mistakes I do not really feel good about, instead of “I should have done this or that”; I would like to learn from these mistakes. I am now clear on goals and have better plans to achieve them, like Albert Einstein said-A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

    Blooming…

    Wild Flower
    (more…)

  • It’s never too late! Confession from a confused mind.

    Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears-Les Brown

    A Little about this confused soul!

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    I am Sneha from Bangalore/Bengaluru, India; 28 years, 3 months, 13 days old! BCA, MBA by education as instructed by parents & relatives, 6 years’ in a corporate life as instructed by parents & relatives, a would be nomad in the next few months as instructed by my intuition. On how my life is going to be was already pre-decided by my parents, study well and score “good” marks, get a “good” secured job, earn “good” money, find a “good” boy (oh not by me, parents again & of course how can I miss my relatives), get married to the same old “good” boy, have “good” kids and yes this “good” cycle continues! I was not against it as I thought that is how it is supposed to be and neither do I blame my parents because that is how they are taught to be.

    Even though I was fairly “good” at studies, I was mostly keen on wandering outside than being inside a room mugging up answers. I have always wanted to be a dancer or to be in any sport, as typical Indian parents I was not really encouraged much in what I thought I was “good” at and was pushed into what they thought I was “good” at! Other than studies, everything else was just an extra activity; I don’t blame them, as they think the “other activities” is not secure to give a fixed income every month for us to live.

    A Little about this confused job!

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    While I decided to pen about this post I realized it has been about 6 years since I have been in a corporate life, 11th November 2009 is when I stepped in. Right after few months after I joined my first job, I understood that this will definitely not be something that I would like doing for long. I have changed 3 companies in the past 6 years, even though I knew this is not for me I was not ready to take the leap from the comfort zone, the fact of money hitting the bank account every month, traveling to few places in a year, some “good” friends, some “good” food in some “good” restaurants couple of times in a month is all that I “wanted”.

    But I also knew one day I would definitely leave this job and do what I like doing and had decided if I am leaving this 3rd job I wouldn’t be getting into a corporate life again. While I was in this 3rd job is when I lost the most important person in my life; during this phase is when I realized life is just too short for us to always keep worrying about the materialistic things that we think that makes us happy, there is definitely something more. I read this somewhere, we are not born just to pay bills and die. Death is inevitable but life isn’t. Right?

    A Little about this Confused Decision!

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    And now when it goes to what I like, the list can even reach another corner of the world. I like dancing so should I be a dancer, I like acting so should I be an actress, I like dressing up so should I be in fashion, I like Basket Ball so should I start playing Basket Ball, I like singing so should I be a singer, I like Martial Arts so should I learn a Martial Art, I like organizing events so should I be in Event management, I like cooking so should I be a chef, I love traveling so should I be a traveler.

    So honestly, I did give a try in almost everything that I have mentioned above trying to figure out what is that which really made me happy and kept me going. Not like I was bad at it or it didn’t keep me happy but I couldn’t hold on to any of the above mentioned for long. It was just like those instant mixes you get in the market, was just easy to cook but wouldn’t taste so yummy like when you actually cook it yourself. This is when I realized the difference between what you “think” you really love doing and what is that you “actually” love doing! It took me few months to understand that traveling is the only thing that has kept me going, that has made me happy, that has made me strong, that has made me forget all my worries, that has made me who I am now! For those who have watched HIMYM can understand what I am referring to, one of my favorite phrase from Ted Mosby: You can ask the universe for signs all you want. But ultimately, we only see when we are ready to see it.

    I have traveled many times before, mostly with friends and I started with solo travel early this year. But the solo trip I took to Sri Lanka, places I visited, the people I met, changed my whole perspective towards traveling. This is where I realized what I really need, those 7 days I did what I liked doing. I was happy, I was not stressed, I was me, I didn’t have to fake smiles in front of the mountains, I didn’t have to show my frowned face in front of the beach, I didn’t need an ID card to access nature, I didn’t need meetings set up to talk to blue sky and clouds.

    A Little on the Confused Time!

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    Have already lost 6 years in doing a job that I don’t like, lots have been learned around this time. Have lost someone who can never come back, have lost someone who doesn’t want to come back, have lost someone who wants to and still will not come back. But thanks to all these people, they made me who I am now. Even though I have tears now while typing this thinking about them, they have still made me much stronger than I was 6 years ago! So I have decided not to crib about wasting these 6 years and admit that it was a lesson learned, I am glad that I at least realized now on what I want to do. So yeah, it is never too late.

    Kudos to people who can make instant decisions, I cannot whenever I have it has never worked well so I prefer to take time, take as much as time possible in the decisions that are going to change a lot in your life than the routine. I took few months to come to this decision, in those few months I was hardly going out and meeting my friends. Every penny I spend I would think twice if it is really needed (of course excluding Shopping), I have a lot of friends whom I would chat with every day, I tried to reduce that, spent most of the time with myself. All the days: during work, after work, during weekends; I would mostly spend understanding the reason behind me quitting the job and if it is worth it.

    Read a lot about traveling, traveling solo, holding an Indian passport how difficult it is to travel to other countries, traveling alone as a girl on how cautious should I be, is there any way I can sustain before coming back and bumping my head again with the laptop and with a job I don’t like. So yes everything takes time, it is never too late.

    A Little about this Confused Money!

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    Money! Everybody needs this, nobody says no to it. I do not have any savings so I was really worried about how to carry on with my decision, which is when LIC hit my mind. I have decided to withdraw the LIC amount to fund my travels for few months, yeah of course including you lot of people called me crazy. I have already decided to risk my life so I thought it doesn’t make sense to secure my “risky life” with the insurance.

    Now where to go, what to do, how many days or months, what do I do with more than 2 wardrobes of clothes and accessories, I still do not know. All I know is my decision is firm and I am quitting my job and I am ready to step out of my comfort zone. (About going with LIC amount, think as many times as you want and decide)

    A Little about this confused Fear!

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    I am still scared, very scared with this decision. I have sleepless nights, heart beats even more faster than it should, mind goes blank with absolutely no thoughts on what I would be doing but when I think of the job that I am doing and when I know I wouldn’t be liking to do it again! I also know if I don’t quit now, I would never do and end up regretting my entire life that I had a chance once and blew it! I would rather take the risk than sit and crib in my cubicle!

    Even now while writing this it still scares me, what If I have to come back again and do all of this which I have been whining about! But somewhere something screams that I atleast tried, yes I atleast tried to do what I like to do! Although travelling and doing something related to travel has always been on the top list, I didn’t want to take a chance by starting with the travel blog initially as I wasn’t sure how long can I sustain with writing as my attention span is too less towards writing and reading. I am still surprised on how I am still holding to write for this long! The best surprises you get in your life can be by only you, isn’t it?

    Again a favorite line by Ted Mosby from HIMYM, If you are not scared, you are not taking a chance. And if you are not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?

    A Little Inspiration from this Confused Soul!

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    When things were not falling in place like I wanted, I was really upset that I would never get what I want. But if I sit now and think about all those things that didn’t fall in place, if it would have then I wouldn’t have be living this life the way I had dreamt of. I have been following few travel blogs from many years, watching lots of videos of successful people, spent few days on bed by just staring at the ceiling waiting for something to happen, have listened to many inspiring songs and movies! Whenever I have read or watched or listened something that would inspire, it would last for few days sometimes and I would get back to square one. So until you find what you want to do, others who around you would never be able to help! Only you can help yourselves to understand what you want, because only you would know about you more than anybody else.

    I never thought I would get into writing, not like I am great with it but I had no hopes that I will sustain for this long and I had never ever thought that I would spend time on writing. So getting to know what you like doing is a tough thing, you might have thought about something that you would be really bad at but just give a try! Never know, you might excel in it! You are the best gift to yourself and you never know how well you can surprise yourself!

    A Little advise from this Confused Soul!

    8

    Want & Need! I still remember in school we were taught on what the difference between want and need is. Just to brush up with it, Sneha has a moped which she uses to commute around every day(Need), she realizes she had a childhood dream of riding a motor bike and she wants it now (Want). Not like none of us know what this means, but we always tend to concentrate mostly on what we want. Want only results in too much of greed and unhappiness. Why I wanted to share this is, all these years I have been fooled by this want, the more you feed the want the more you get greed.

    I was really excited few months ago and booked a Royal Enfield. Just when I was clear about my decision of traveling is when I had to cancel it with almost tears in my eyes. Motor Bike was just a “want”, not a “need”. If I wouldn’t have decided to take this chance now, maybe I never will. I would just be staring at the basketball court like I am doing now instead of playing, I would just be watching the dance shows instead of dancing and I would just be watching travelers and reading about them instead of traveling. Have written this to keep inspiring myself not to “quit on the decision of me quitting the job” and also for all the confused souls like me to get inspired; just get out and do what you love doing!

    I am gonna bury my confused soul and say rest in peace and head out to feed my other soul filled with wanderlust and add some wings! Wish me luck!

    If you are reading this line, thank you for your patience to go through the torture about me whining about my confused soul!

    If you have got irritated and just scrolled down, one of my favorite illustrators Alicia Souza beautifully describes on how you to live your dream!

    9

    I was always in confusion to understand who are you,

    sorry for such a long due.

    This life’s journey has been a roller coaster ride,

    sometimes rough & sometimes smooth like a tide.

    You are a dream that I am coming to explore,

    hope you unfold yourself & welcome me more & more.

    Blooming…

    Wild Flower