And silence, like darkness, can be kind; it, too, is a language-Hanif Kureishi
In my earlier post, that’s last year; I spoke about all the mistakes I made after I quit my job. I said I am much clearer about the goals and have plans to achieve them. Yes, the goals did get clear, the process to reach the goals changed. This change put me into a silent world, where words are neither spoken nor written. This change kept me away from everything that I was intending to do after I quit my job.
The constant need to update about life, life dependent on numbers on how many followers, numerous bloggers all across social media, millions of blog posts with tips and corners to cover the place. There came a point where my existence didn’t find any need at all. Everybody was writing their own story about the same painting on a different canvas. I could not!
Lack of Consistency
With repeated events in life that pulled me down, I was already lagging behind on the blog posts. From once a week, once a month, once in 2 months, once in 6 months & once a year. This was the pace at which I was publishing a blog post. I was hardly sharing posts on my social media accounts too. The consistency was lost, Big time!
Followers’ game
I maintained a diary on how to boost my blog; there are thousands of tips on the internet. I jotted them and tried them. None of it was satisfactory, for example commenting on an account with a high number of followers to get recognition. It was so not me, to just randomly comment on some account just so that I get visibility. I did do a couple of times but my conscious didn’t feel right about it. Many such processes kept bothering me a lot on if I really did make the right choice of taking up blogging.
Personal note
I did not start writing to make money; I started writing because I felt like writing. Writing has always been personal, it will remain personal. I cannot write if I have not had any experience, this may be the reason why I could not really find freelance writing opportunities. Even if I did find, it did not last long. Very recently one of the editors I was freelancing with mentioned that “your writing on your blog is very different than what you write for us”. After which, I did not receive any offer from her; this is when I realized why I have not been able to find any freelance writing opportunities.
Job
I was not up for a followers game, I was not a good fit to do the freelance job so I was pretty much not fit for anything- a sense of Self-loathing. But I was very sure of not getting back to my corporate job, I was also sure of finding a way to keep my goals intact.
The goals remain the same, I changed the process of achieving it. I started to look for a job in a location where I would fit, somewhere in mountains probably and I found one. A job that allows me to be in mountains and that allows me to travel once in a while. A job that lets my creativity unleash its wings. A job that keeps my sanity sane.
It was not an intentional break from blogging; I had no calling towards it anymore, hence the silence. Number of readers, number of followers, number of posts; Huf! These numbers don’t matter anymore.
It is only the words that matter and always will. I decided then that, I will write when the words need me.
Why am I talking about all of this now?
There are some of you who have emailed me and some of you who have always stood by me and still have. For all of you, I owe an answer to my silence. Hence!
Blooming…
Wild Flower
Yours Consciously Sneha 