Yours Consciously Sneha

Tag: dreams

Wither

Decide what kind of life you actually want, then say NO to everything that isn’t that-BOB PROCTOR

Hello All, I am taking this opportunity to introduce my brand, Wither. Firstly, today we have completed 1 month on this glorious journey of creating clothes that we love. Secondly, celebrating these cards as I have my name on them as a “Creator” is a BIG deal for me.

I was raised in Bengaluru city in a conservative family, & currently live in the suburbs. I am in my 30’s, not married (you will know why I am mentioning this in a minute) My educational qualification is BCA, MBA because parents, cousins & their friends thought it had scope. Since I was a little kid, I knew I was an artist & was very clear to pursue my career in Art, Dance & Social Work. Again, these don’t have a scope so I had to study something that had scope. This landed me in a job in Supply Chain, I worked in 3 different corporate companies for 6.3 years.

I never liked any of these jobs, I was a robot waking up every morning, sitting in front of a computer, get back home, sleep, have fun during weekends. Repeat. I leapt, quit this job in the year 2016. Travelled, freelanced, worked in remote jobs, started a blog, wrote my heart out. But, in India, making money with freelancing isn’t easy. So I took up a fixed job in a remote place. 2018-2020 I worked in a school that educated Tribal children. My creativity started getting wings here. I worked with artists, I enjoyed reading books to children, I invested time in developing my skills with drawing, dancing, writing and reading too. When I was getting close to completing 2 years, I wanted to leave and travel for a bit so I quit in 2020.

Inevitable happened, Covid happened. I had to return home. Apart from being curious about knowing unknown places while travelling, I was staying away from family because, I was tired of explaining to the family that “getting married” is not the only thing a girl aspires to be, as per them only job a girl can do best is in the kitchen & by marrying someone. The goals, dreams, aspirations of a girl should all go in the drain, first of all, they should not even have them.

After I returned home, I looked up jobs that would fill my Artistic quench, I barely found any. 2 jobs came my way, both took work from me and never paid. Everything happens for the good they say.

On Feb 13th 2021, the second job that didn’t pay me bothered me a lot. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was watching videos of @zerowastedaniel over & over, who had inspired me a few years ago from a post I saw through the only friend in Fashion in know @madamtapoool. About 2 years ago, with a help of a colleague whose mother was a tailor, I had designed a skirt using old dupattas and left-overs his mother had from her work. We couldn’t take it forward back then, that kept ringing in my head to take it seriously this time.

That night, there was some force pushing me to start the same idea. The name “Wither” just came out of nowhere, I named it in Kannada too as “ಉದಿರು”. “If a piece of cloth is withering, doesn’t mean it’s waste, it can have a life too. The next day, I wrote this all down & I knew I had to push it to achieve it. I set a target to launch in April, & now here we are. The fun part was, I kept writing the name Wither on paper every day, one of the day’s I realized “Her” being part of the word.

It has not been an easy journey for me as a woman to follow “my way”, also not being married adds ghee to fire in a conservative family. It’s a fight every day, it still is. There is hardly any support from the close family members, as they still believe, being an entrepreneur is not for women. I have seen my friends struggle, I have seen married women struggle, while their husbands say what they have to do. This can go on, I will stop here to just say the intention behind the name “Wither” has a strong connection to raise women along with me.

My mother was a tailor, a passionate one. Neither do I have a professional fashion degree, but have a passionate one. She did go for professional classes but she never took it up as a business. I grew up seeing her stitch clothes to me and for herself, she made use of every single waste piece that was left out to create something else. She always indulged herself by creating masterpieces using wires, gunnysacks, woollen threads. And she had fun dressing me up all the time.

She had a very big influence on me with my style of dressing and my passion for clothes. Only if society, let her do her work passionately. She would have conquered the world. This also had an impact on me, on how being married will kill your dreams. No woman should stop themselves from achieving their dreams because of societal norms. That’s my goal to communicate through clothes.

The creator side

I am learning Bharatanatyam, I practice sketching sometimes, I love writing (now you know why my posts are long) and reading, I am a foodie & I love to cook. A nature lover can trade anything in life to live in a forest(future goals), I can watch birds, animals, sky, stars for hours without talking. I am keen to know what’s beyond our planet, the infinite space. I love constellations, and love watching movies and documentaries related to space. I love researching, that helps me learn something new every day from something old (Did you know series? This is why) I am a movie buff, lately I have been drawn towards documentaries. If not for Covid, I had big plans to work in the movie industry. The launch video was conceptualised & directed by me (a show-off) I have extreme levels of OCD, that I am taking advantage of to get my work to be perfect. As a person, I push myself to be a better person than I was yesterday. As a brand, I have the same principles to bring in the best quality.

The card says “Creator” and not “Founder” because I have found my passion, all I have to do is to “Create”.

Thank you all for supporting this journey so far, we have a long long long way to go.

Lastly, These are “Seed paper cards” made by @dopolgy. Thank you for making these cards & also for being a part of this journey.

Follow @_wither_wither_ on Instagram to see more of my creations.

Blooming…

Wild Flower

May 20, 2021
Favourite Chapter…

Live like a child every day, you will never regret that you did. – Sneha Marappa 😉

Smile 1

Every morning there are two times I come out of my room before I get to work:
1) To brush my teeth & stare at this specific tree in the front and a hill on my right.
2) To drink milk/coffee, that’s when the first school bus arrives.

The bus moves a little ahead closer to my room to take the U-turn, the children when they see me, few of them wave and few throw a smile and the other few scream, Snehaaaa akkkaaaa + wave.

This happens every day, every damn day; it’s like they are seeing me after many years, the excitement remains constant and every day is a brand new day. A few times which are unlucky days, the timing doesn’t match so this scene doesn’t happen but when it happens that’s the first smile that they bring on my face for the day-Smile 1.

Smile 2

Morning assembly happens at 9 am, everyone’s quiet-it’s a rare moment, like take out your camera and seize the moment kind of a rare moment-a Kodak moment. It is difficult to stay quiet for me too, our Director inclusive; one day she comes close to me and whispers, “Oh! A new saree. Oh yeah! She is that cool, not at all trying to flatter her-true story!

Sometimes I reach a little early, that’s when the Smile 2 begins. Akka, don’t tie your hair bun that way, I feel like laughing at you; Akka, you look like a Maid; Akka, Is it your birthday? (The most asked question, at least one child every day). Somehow all of this sounds better in Tamizh when they say it-Smile 2.

When Smile 1 + Smile 2 happens, the whole day lightens up, even if it is just one of them, I can live with it the whole day grinning, just like them.

Now look at a cobweb in that corner of your house, if there is none, imagine one. Flashback tone begins.

2 Years ago & so on!

Then!

On this day, I arrived here in my track pants and a Blue T-shirt; anxious, sweaty & exhausted. The train was delayed for 3 hours in Bengaluru, hence the exhaustion & lack of sleep. Carrying 4 bags and running behind a train that stops for 3 minutes with doors closed from inside, Sigh! That story deserves another blog post.

So where was I? The job, yes! The job was not much to do with children, maybe a little. Well, I had no idea, I just came here, did not think much, about my goals or aspirations, about my writings or blog. All I had on my mind was a simple life with less noise (Point to be noted), a life amidst mountains, & there you go, I got one.

I came here during summer holidays, hardly any (0) In-house teachers and absolutely no children. So there was no noise and there was life with mountains. Just like I desired, a breeze of applaud in my head goes on.

But I had a tiny fear, what happens when the school starts. How will I cope with the noise? I was perplexed, twitching my fingers every day when the noisy thoughts arrive. I was asked to take care of the library as well, who would not want to be around books. A library is a place for silence, nobody talks which mean part of my job will be in silence and I do not have to talk to people. Hurray!

Hold that grin on your face, right there! What I am going to say next might change that expression because the day arrived. The day that I was anxious about, the children, the people and the noise.

The first class in Library, I am sitting in a corner with a book and I see these kids gazing at me. I can feel those cute little eyes all over me. After a few minutes, the silence is broken with pulling & pushing, screaming & screeching, shouting & hitting. I take a deep breath, while I am breathing out, the noise hits the roof and is on the way to a space station. I would scream at them, on top of my voice, and now there is radio silence. And then the noise begins again. This continues, this exact format-all the time, in every class.

Days passed and so did months and years, I still shout at them sometimes and burst out laughing the next second. I am on their side now, we make noise, we draw, we sing and dance. I sit and hear their elephant stories, although most of the time they make up their own stories I feel, but they love it when I believe them and respond to what they say. They are good storytellers I must say, the tone, the pitch, the story crafting and most importantly they know how to trap the reader-they deserve an award.

Somewhere in that war between silence that I craved & noise that I disliked, Noise won!

I still have complications in dealing with people(adults), I am working on it but it is going to take time. So I am usually isolated, all by myself with myself but the loneliness does get on to me on a few days. These kids are the only source for me to drift away from that abyss, they are the only friends I can look up to, they are the only home that I can rest in.

Every day is unique here, all because of them, only because of them. I like it when they are concerned when I am not dressed, Akka are you not well? I like it when they ask about me while I am on leave, I like it that they exist, right there just for that moment.

Remember 2 years ago, I had this fear about coping with noise and now it was about how am I going to live ever without that noise after I leave this job. How often can I re telecast these memories in my head to keep that grin on my face? How am I going to live without elephant stories? Will they remember me if I come to visit them after a few years?

Nightmares, these were the nightmares that kept me away from sleep. Mostly after I decided to leave! But Life always has a different answer, not the one that you want. This time the answer came in the form of a Virus-Corona/COVID-19!

Today

Now!

All that silence I prayed for 2 years ago, I have been blessed with it now, unfortunately. It’s been 2 months since I have seen all those grinning faces; as much as the silence engulfed everywhere, their grinned faces and screechy voice is engulfed all over my head.

The home they built for me in themselves is all empty, filled with only taunting memories.

The home that I could not even bid goodbye to!

And now I am slowly drifting to the abyss again.

And now…
The swings are heavier.
Merry go round isn’t merrier.
Playground’s turned bizarre.
The library looks spookier.

Blooming…

Wild Flower

April 23, 2020
One Trail Many Stories

Everything I learned I learned from the movies-Audrey Hepburn

There is this part of me which floats in the scenes of movies, a part of me that always thinks how does a real-life will be if it was like in movies. With background music, slow motion of a leaf touching the ground, happy endings and sometimes sad endings too. And sometimes, I wonder if the movies are real and if we are living an imaginary life.

I was introduced to West Bengal through a movie, a movie called Parineeta(Porineeta as they say). Many years ago, when I was in college and most of my classmates were from West Bengal. Other than marking West Bengal on a map for a question in a unit test during school days, I didn’t know much about the state. There were no blogs then or rather high-speed internet too to quickly google if I would like to know about a place.

I am glad we didn’t though as West Bengal was introduced to me by the people, food and movies. I knew they loved food, even better if the food has fish and potato. I knew they love dressing up. I knew married ladies wear sindhoor in the partition where the hair gets divided to half, I knew they were white sarees with an elongated seragu (pallu), I knew they wear red and white bangles after marriage. I knew they all had someone else hidden in themselves-a poet, a singer, a writer, a dancer, an actor, an artist.

So, when I stepped into Kolkata last month, even though it was the first time physically, in my mind there was a De Ja Vu moment. I knew I have been here already, it was through a movie. Again, there is this part of me that thinks, if movies are made of real-life or real-life is a movie itself.

The background music just plays though saying Piyu bole & I drift away to another world.

Blooming…

Wild Flower

July 23, 2019
3 Years!

Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence. Or insanity. – Richard Kadrey

26^th February 2019, a reminder popped up on my Facebook feed about the blog post I wrote last year. Just then I realized it is my 3^rd year anniversary of leaving my comfortable corporate job. Every year I have celebrated this day, but this year I forgot. Forgot for good? Maybe! It seems like a sign that I have detached from the strings.

How is this life been away from the city, family, and friends? Everyone asks-I cringe a little and smile, saying it’s okay. No, that’s not the answer they expected and that’s not the answer I expected either. I was very hopeful when I left the job that I will be happier than I was before, more satisfied with life than I was before, more sorted with relationships than I was before.

But life had other plans; I have spoken about this in a long post before so I am not getting there again. If you would like to read, here it is! Silence in the air.

Here is a snippet of these 3 years, Bright and Dark side of this life.

Mountain Life

After I left the corporate job and traveled a bit, I started working in the mountains. I lasted for 2 and a half months as it got hectic than I ever thought. In fact, I had more time in a corporate job to write than I had here. My blog was rotting and I hadn’t written in months, one day I went to the owner and said I would like to quit as I am unable to find time for writing.

Now again, I am with mountains. It’s been a year, it’s the same again; after I came here I stopped writing again but I indulged myself in many of my other favorite likings: dancing and sketching. There was a constant unexplained void though, that I am unable to find time for writing.

Bright Side

I am not in a polluted city cramped up in the AC ducts, working on some meaningless excel files. I work with the mountains breathing fresh air and still work on excel files though but the ones filled with meaning (I mean it).

Every morning I wake up to a different view, sometimes to the sun shining right through the window and sometimes to the dark clouds and sometimes to heavy wind and sometimes to rains.

On bad days/stressful days, on the days when I feel if I made the right decision of moving to mountains-all I have to do is make a coffee or hot chocolate and stare at mountains. That answers my doubt, for that day.

Dark Side

Out of many things I disliked in a corporate job, gossiping, biased decisions by peers/seniors was the most difficult situations to handle. With or without knowledge, we often get into this loop of “gossips”. After I left the job, I assumed that I will never get into this Black Hole (Gossips) again. I was wrong, I had forgotten that I will be dealing with humans wherever I go, be it mountains or beach or road or corporate job. It took me a lot of time to accept that this “Black Hole” situation is normal and it is a common trait that humans carry. (As I write this, I am feeling uncomfortable as I have not yet found the answer to why humans (including me) do this, existential questions you see)

There are always contradictions with everything we do, there is always a bright and dark side with everything we do. We just got to accept which dark side is more comfortable to be with and which dark side leads to the brighter path.

Blooming…

Wild Flower

April 20, 2019
Silence in the air.

And silence, like darkness, can be kind; it, too, is a language-Hanif Kureishi

Soaking in the sunset, Kozhikode beach.

In my earlier post, that’s last year; I spoke about all the mistakes I made after I quit my job. I said I am much clearer about the goals and have plans to achieve them. Yes, the goals did get clear, the process to reach the goals changed. This change put me into a silent world, where words are neither spoken nor written. This change kept me away from everything that I was intending to do after I quit my job.

The constant need to update about life, life dependent on numbers on how many followers, numerous bloggers all across social media, millions of blog posts with tips and corners to cover the place. There came a point where my existence didn’t find any need at all. Everybody was writing their own story about the same painting on a different canvas. I could not!

Lack of Consistency

With repeated events in life that pulled me down, I was already lagging behind on the blog posts. From once a week, once a month, once in 2 months, once in 6 months & once a year. This was the pace at which I was publishing a blog post. I was hardly sharing posts on my social media accounts too. The consistency was lost, Big time!

Followers’ game

I maintained a diary on how to boost my blog; there are thousands of tips on the internet. I jotted them and tried them. None of it was satisfactory, for example commenting on an account with a high number of followers to get recognition. It was so not me, to just randomly comment on some account just so that I get visibility. I did do a couple of times but my conscious didn’t feel right about it. Many such processes kept bothering me a lot on if I really did make the right choice of taking up blogging.

Personal note

I did not start writing to make money; I started writing because I felt like writing. Writing has always been personal, it will remain personal. I cannot write if I have not had any experience, this may be the reason why I could not really find freelance writing opportunities. Even if I did find, it did not last long. Very recently one of the editors I was freelancing with mentioned that “your writing on your blog is very different than what you write for us”. After which, I did not receive any offer from her; this is when I realized why I have not been able to find any freelance writing opportunities.

Job

I was not up for a followers game, I was not a good fit to do the freelance job so I was pretty much not fit for anything- a sense of Self-loathing. But I was very sure of not getting back to my corporate job, I was also sure of finding a way to keep my goals intact.

The goals remain the same, I changed the process of achieving it. I started to look for a job in a location where I would fit, somewhere in mountains probably and I found one. A job that allows me to be in mountains and that allows me to travel once in a while. A job that lets my creativity unleash its wings. A job that keeps my sanity sane.

It was not an intentional break from blogging; I had no calling towards it anymore, hence the silence. Number of readers, number of followers, number of posts; Huf! These numbers don’t matter anymore.

It is only the words that matter and always will. I decided then that, I will write when the words need me.

Sunset by the mountains.

Why am I talking about all of this now?
There are some of you who have emailed me and some of you who have always stood by me and still have. For all of you, I owe an answer to my silence. Hence!

Blooming…

Wild Flower

January 31, 2019
It’s never too late! Confession from a confused mind.

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears-Les Brown

A Little about this confused soul!

I am Sneha from Bangalore/Bengaluru, India; 28 years, 3 months, 13 days old! BCA, MBA by education as instructed by parents & relatives, 6 years’ in a corporate life as instructed by parents & relatives, a would be nomad in the next few months as instructed by my intuition. On how my life is going to be was already pre-decided by my parents, study well and score “good” marks, get a “good” secured job, earn “good” money, find a “good” boy (oh not by me, parents again & of course how can I miss my relatives), get married to the same old “good” boy, have “good” kids and yes this “good” cycle continues! I was not against it as I thought that is how it is supposed to be and neither do I blame my parents because that is how they are taught to be.

Even though I was fairly “good” at studies, I was mostly keen on wandering outside than being inside a room mugging up answers. I have always wanted to be a dancer or to be in any sport, as typical Indian parents I was not really encouraged much in what I thought I was “good” at and was pushed into what they thought I was “good” at! Other than studies, everything else was just an extra activity; I don’t blame them, as they think the “other activities” is not secure to give a fixed income every month for us to live.

A Little about this confused job!

While I decided to pen about this post I realized it has been about 6 years since I have been in a corporate life, 11^th November 2009 is when I stepped in. Right after few months after I joined my first job, I understood that this will definitely not be something that I would like doing for long. I have changed 3 companies in the past 6 years, even though I knew this is not for me I was not ready to take the leap from the comfort zone, the fact of money hitting the bank account every month, traveling to few places in a year, some “good” friends, some “good” food in some “good” restaurants couple of times in a month is all that I “wanted”.

But I also knew one day I would definitely leave this job and do what I like doing and had decided if I am leaving this 3^rd job I wouldn’t be getting into a corporate life again. While I was in this 3^rd job is when I lost the most important person in my life; during this phase is when I realized life is just too short for us to always keep worrying about the materialistic things that we think that makes us happy, there is definitely something more. I read this somewhere, we are not born just to pay bills and die. Death is inevitable but life isn’t. Right?

A Little about this Confused Decision!

And now when it goes to what I like, the list can even reach another corner of the world. I like dancing so should I be a dancer, I like acting so should I be an actress, I like dressing up so should I be in fashion, I like Basket Ball so should I start playing Basket Ball, I like singing so should I be a singer, I like Martial Arts so should I learn a Martial Art, I like organizing events so should I be in Event management, I like cooking so should I be a chef, I love traveling so should I be a traveler.

So honestly, I did give a try in almost everything that I have mentioned above trying to figure out what is that which really made me happy and kept me going. Not like I was bad at it or it didn’t keep me happy but I couldn’t hold on to any of the above mentioned for long. It was just like those instant mixes you get in the market, was just easy to cook but wouldn’t taste so yummy like when you actually cook it yourself. This is when I realized the difference between what you “think” you really love doing and what is that you “actually” love doing! It took me few months to understand that traveling is the only thing that has kept me going, that has made me happy, that has made me strong, that has made me forget all my worries, that has made me who I am now! For those who have watched HIMYM can understand what I am referring to, one of my favorite phrase from Ted Mosby: You can ask the universe for signs all you want. But ultimately, we only see when we are ready to see it.

I have traveled many times before, mostly with friends and I started with solo travel early this year. But the solo trip I took to Sri Lanka, places I visited, the people I met, changed my whole perspective towards traveling. This is where I realized what I really need, those 7 days I did what I liked doing. I was happy, I was not stressed, I was me, I didn’t have to fake smiles in front of the mountains, I didn’t have to show my frowned face in front of the beach, I didn’t need an ID card to access nature, I didn’t need meetings set up to talk to blue sky and clouds.

A Little on the Confused Time!

Have already lost 6 years in doing a job that I don’t like, lots have been learned around this time. Have lost someone who can never come back, have lost someone who doesn’t want to come back, have lost someone who wants to and still will not come back. But thanks to all these people, they made me who I am now. Even though I have tears now while typing this thinking about them, they have still made me much stronger than I was 6 years ago! So I have decided not to crib about wasting these 6 years and admit that it was a lesson learned, I am glad that I at least realized now on what I want to do. So yeah, it is never too late.

Kudos to people who can make instant decisions, I cannot whenever I have it has never worked well so I prefer to take time, take as much as time possible in the decisions that are going to change a lot in your life than the routine. I took few months to come to this decision, in those few months I was hardly going out and meeting my friends. Every penny I spend I would think twice if it is really needed (of course excluding Shopping), I have a lot of friends whom I would chat with every day, I tried to reduce that, spent most of the time with myself. All the days: during work, after work, during weekends; I would mostly spend understanding the reason behind me quitting the job and if it is worth it.

Read a lot about traveling, traveling solo, holding an Indian passport how difficult it is to travel to other countries, traveling alone as a girl on how cautious should I be, is there any way I can sustain before coming back and bumping my head again with the laptop and with a job I don’t like. So yes everything takes time, it is never too late.

A Little about this Confused Money!

Money! Everybody needs this, nobody says no to it. I do not have any savings so I was really worried about how to carry on with my decision, which is when LIC hit my mind. I have decided to withdraw the LIC amount to fund my travels for few months, yeah of course including you lot of people called me crazy. I have already decided to risk my life so I thought it doesn’t make sense to secure my “risky life” with the insurance.

Now where to go, what to do, how many days or months, what do I do with more than 2 wardrobes of clothes and accessories, I still do not know. All I know is my decision is firm and I am quitting my job and I am ready to step out of my comfort zone. (About going with LIC amount, think as many times as you want and decide)

A Little about this confused Fear!

I am still scared, very scared with this decision. I have sleepless nights, heart beats even more faster than it should, mind goes blank with absolutely no thoughts on what I would be doing but when I think of the job that I am doing and when I know I wouldn’t be liking to do it again! I also know if I don’t quit now, I would never do and end up regretting my entire life that I had a chance once and blew it! I would rather take the risk than sit and crib in my cubicle!

Even now while writing this it still scares me, what If I have to come back again and do all of this which I have been whining about! But somewhere something screams that I atleast tried, yes I atleast tried to do what I like to do! Although travelling and doing something related to travel has always been on the top list, I didn’t want to take a chance by starting with the travel blog initially as I wasn’t sure how long can I sustain with writing as my attention span is too less towards writing and reading. I am still surprised on how I am still holding to write for this long! The best surprises you get in your life can be by only you, isn’t it?

Again a favorite line by Ted Mosby from HIMYM, If you are not scared, you are not taking a chance. And if you are not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?

A Little Inspiration from this Confused Soul!

When things were not falling in place like I wanted, I was really upset that I would never get what I want. But if I sit now and think about all those things that didn’t fall in place, if it would have then I wouldn’t have be living this life the way I had dreamt of. I have been following few travel blogs from many years, watching lots of videos of successful people, spent few days on bed by just staring at the ceiling waiting for something to happen, have listened to many inspiring songs and movies! Whenever I have read or watched or listened something that would inspire, it would last for few days sometimes and I would get back to square one. So until you find what you want to do, others who around you would never be able to help! Only you can help yourselves to understand what you want, because only you would know about you more than anybody else.

I never thought I would get into writing, not like I am great with it but I had no hopes that I will sustain for this long and I had never ever thought that I would spend time on writing. So getting to know what you like doing is a tough thing, you might have thought about something that you would be really bad at but just give a try! Never know, you might excel in it! You are the best gift to yourself and you never know how well you can surprise yourself!

A Little advise from this Confused Soul!

Want & Need! I still remember in school we were taught on what the difference between want and need is. Just to brush up with it, Sneha has a moped which she uses to commute around every day(Need), she realizes she had a childhood dream of riding a motor bike and she wants it now (Want). Not like none of us know what this means, but we always tend to concentrate mostly on what we want. Want only results in too much of greed and unhappiness. Why I wanted to share this is, all these years I have been fooled by this want, the more you feed the want the more you get greed.

I was really excited few months ago and booked a Royal Enfield. Just when I was clear about my decision of traveling is when I had to cancel it with almost tears in my eyes. Motor Bike was just a “want”, not a “need”. If I wouldn’t have decided to take this chance now, maybe I never will. I would just be staring at the basketball court like I am doing now instead of playing, I would just be watching the dance shows instead of dancing and I would just be watching travelers and reading about them instead of traveling. Have written this to keep inspiring myself not to “quit on the decision of me quitting the job” and also for all the confused souls like me to get inspired; just get out and do what you love doing!

I am gonna bury my confused soul and say rest in peace and head out to feed my other soul filled with wanderlust and add some wings! Wish me luck!

If you are reading this line, thank you for your patience to go through the torture about me whining about my confused soul!

If you have got irritated and just scrolled down, one of my favorite illustrators Alicia Souza beautifully describes on how you to live your dream!

I was always in confusion to understand who are you,

sorry for such a long due.

This life’s journey has been a roller coaster ride,

sometimes rough & sometimes smooth like a tide.

You are a dream that I am coming to explore,

hope you unfold yourself & welcome me more & more.

Blooming…

Wild Flower

December 13, 2015